Q:  My mother-in-law to be is really controlling and is insisting on coming to my dress appointment as well as inviting three of her closest friends to the wedding. I don’t want her involvement. Help!
Jennie, Shropshire, by DM

A: Weddings can be a really tricky time because everyone wants to be involved, especially if they’re related, or will be once you’re married. My advice to avoid a wedding dilemma would be to think about the long term with this. Your mother-in-law is likely to become an important part of your marriage and, while throughout your married life, the truth is, you will have some disagreements with her, she could also become your best ally and an important means of support, especially if children come along. So I would say, try to involve her as much as possible, even though it might grate a little – just let her have her time too as no doubt her friend will be asking about your wedding plans and it will be a big topic of conversation for her, as it will be your own Mum. Try to see that she longs to feel a part of it, she wants to be your friend and she wants to be involved and feel involved and helpful. 

As a Mum myself, I understand that she wants to invite her closest friends – it’s her son, remember, as well as your fiancé and, if you’ve not had children yet, it’s hard to explain the bond a mum and son have. Maybe you should look at it another way, she’s raised the man of your dreams, try and empathise with her and understand the emotions that she will be going through as well as being thankful that you’ve found such a wonderful person to marry. 

If finances make it difficult to invite her friends, then maybe have a quiet chat with her, just generally, about how much everything is costing – you never know, she might take the hint and help financially too! That said, it’s a fine line between being able to feel involved and being in control, so always be firm, honest and fair, especially with your choice of dress, but let her be involved, it’ll pay off long term, I promise!